You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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