Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
