I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
