Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
