you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
