Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
