I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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