you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
