I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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