a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
