dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
