um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
