420 ftw
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
