I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
