Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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