Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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