pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
