there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
