if you like me you must not know who I am
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
