I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
