I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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