I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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