I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
