He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
