More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
