i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
