when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
