So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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