just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
