god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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