So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
