it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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