I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
