I just saw a hot homeless man
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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