So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
