a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
