We're like a lot better than the average bears
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
