how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
