there's paper in my vomit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
