Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
