if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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