There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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