Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
