I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize