i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
