I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We need to get me chipped asap
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
