but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
