The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
