Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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