My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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