I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize