have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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