I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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