I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
