My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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