He kissed a someone with a penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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