Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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