If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
