Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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