I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
