I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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