AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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