I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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