Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
