I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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