She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
