i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
