why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
