I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
