Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize