I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
