I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
