Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was like getting head from an anaconda
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
