i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
