The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
